On a cold winter’s afternoon in deepest Norfolk, I handed Eugene Hütz a DVD. He looked surprised, smiled and exclaimed, ‘Alison, you are exemplary!’
This doesn’t sound like much of an anecdote, but trust me, it has a point. I wasn’t handing over just any old DVD, you see – it was Eugene’s DVD. A DVD which belonged to Eugene. A DVD he had entrusted to me, the single worst borrower known to man, just two weeks before.
I’m not particularly proud of myself, but in recent times I have become a terrible person to lend stuff to. Just before her Hen Night, Simin’s fiancé Adrian was kind enough to lend me a couple of DVDs he had brought over from Australia with him. He assured me I’d find them funny, that they were the cream of Australian comedy. ‘Just bring them back next week when you’re here for the wedding,’ he said, a trusting and kindly smile on his face.
I still have one of those DVDs on my watch list. The happy couple are celebrating their one year anniversary this month.
And then there’s Fraser’s generous loan, or as I like to call it, ‘The Case of the Great Brass Balls Up’. Around a month before leaving the company we both worked for, Fraser gave me two brilliant DVDs – one was a documentary of the Serbian trumpet festival Guca, and the other was a drama-doc about Fanfare Ciocarlia, a pant-wettingly awesome brass orchestra from Romania. And oh, both DVDs are wonderful, especially the latter. I enjoyed them immensely.
Of course, the pleasure is almost entirely wiped out by the guilt – Fraser left my workplace at the beginning of August, and I’m posting his DVDs to him today, six long months later.
But nothing – NOTHING – can compare with my slackness over a certain Angel boxset belonging to Nasreen. I’ve been holding on to it for, I think, about three years. Three years. I’ve had that boxset for almost half the time I’ve been seeing my boyfriend. The worst thing is, series three ended on somewhat of a cliff-hanger. Almost certain a request to borrow series four would result in a swift right-hook aimed at my face, I resorted to reading a few Wikipedia spoilers and resigned myself to never borrowing another of Nas’ possessions.
This is the major downside to being a Bad Borrower – no one wants to lend you anything ever again. And rightly so! Be aware that to lend me anything may result in months of regret on your part. Regret, and probably anger. Because while I am many things, when it comes to the lending game I am anything but exemplary.
